Date Everything! Review: What Are You All Doing in My House?!
I’ve been following Date Everything! from developer Sassy Chap Games and publisher Team 17 since its announcement as I know many folks have. As a lover of dating sims, a dating sim with 100 dateable characters is a truly wild feat to accomplish and to have every character be incredibly unique and funny, that’s something else entirely. With a game boasting 40 to 100 hours of content, I feel as though I’ve barely scratched the surface of the game, but I’ve truly had a blast so far.
In Date Everything! you play as an office worker who has just, quite abruptly, been let go from your job. But you don’t have much time to be disappointed because you suddenly get a strange delivery. The delivery is a pair of glasses called “Dateviators” which make objects (and some other things) in your house come alive. And, wildly enough, many of them are super horny and already seem obsessed with you. Thank goodness, you’re single.
After you’re introduced to the concept of the game by Skylar (voiced by Felicia Day) you’re pretty much given free reign to roam about the cabin, so to speak, and introduce yourself to the objects in your house. Your main goal is to discover all 100 objects/things and “realize them” meaning that they become fully fledged people! You’ll do this simply by interacting with each character and playing out certain scenarios with them. There are three different types of relationships you can have with each person - you can be in love, you can be friends or you can hate each other.
Each time that you fall in love with, become friends with or hate a character, each one your five stats (Poise, Smarts, Empathy, Charm or Sass) will be boosted. It’s not easy to “realize” all characters because many of them require you to reach certain stat levels before you can really make progress. It’s not super obvious how you raise these stats, but simply by interacting with characters and completing certain missions, your stats will begin to change. These stats can also give you specific dialogue options that are only available if you’ve got that stat to a certain level.
The more that you connect with each character, the more you’ll realize that not everything is silly and funny. Some of the connections you make will be quite heartfelt and lovely. Daisuke, the dishes, for example, is a workaholic and you’re able to make him realize that it’s okay to take a break once in a while - a lesson that many of us could take to heart. With over 70,000 lines of dialogue, there is an impressive amount of romance, mischief and fun you can get up to.
The cast of the game is headed by some of the biggest names in the industry including: Matt Mercer as Chance the D20 Dice, Marisha Ray as Beverly the Mini-Bar, Ashley Johnson as Beau the Boxes, Carolina Ravassa as Bobby the Bobby Pin, Neil Newbon as Drysdale the Dryer, Liam O’Brien as Friar Errol the Air Fryer and many many more talented voices. Each character is fully voice acted and takes on a beautiful persona of the object they represent. Betty, your bed, for example, has an amazing comforter coat. Beverly the mini-bar has hair that’s actually made of a beverage. The detail given to each character is amazing and I found myself getting completely enamored with each of them.
While part of the appeal of Date Everything! is that you can, well, literally date everything, I’d be lying if I said it didn’t get a bit overwhelmed. When I hit about the 60 person mark, I started to lose steam and found myself quickly skipping through dialogue. I wanted to find all 100 characters before I really committed to one or two in particular and started to get a little impatient. And finding all 100 characters right away proved to actually be impossible, because certain characters, like Dolly the dust bunny, only appear later in the game. I sometimes find just five romanceable choices in dating sims to be a bit much, so having 100 characters to focus on is a lot to handle.
And making progress can be a bit a bit slow as well because you can only speak with five different characters per day. It’s a game mechanic that I still don’t really understand. Sometimes there are chats that you’ll receive on your phone from friends or old co-workers or even the mysterious person that sent you the Dateviators, but they don’t seem to be specifically tied to any particular day. So why not let me talk to seven or eight people in one day? Your house isn’t very large so it’s not as though you have to make a long trek back to your bed every night, it was just a strange choice that slows down the game unnecessarily. It would also be nice to be able to speak with an object more than once. Shelley the shelves is my favorite dateable and I definitely would have used a whole day just to interact with her more.
Additionally, there’s no indication of when you’ve already spoken to an object, other than by going into your menu and looking at your full list. With characters like Beau the boxes, it’s pretty obvious when she’ll show up. If you touch the boxes in the closet, it will be her and if you touch the boxes downstairs it will also be her. That’s pretty self-explanatory, but characters like Daisuke are a little more confusing. Daisuke represents all the dishes in your house so one day I spoke with him by using the Dateviators on a cup and the next day I didn’t want to speak to him again and use up one of my precious five chances, but when I used the Dateviators on the knife block in the kitchen, it was also Daisuke. It would be nice if there was some kind of way of seeing that, yes, the food in the cabinet and the food on the table will both spawn Mitchell Lin the dateable, if you interact with them. It’s a small thing that caused a bit of frustration when I was trying to find new characters and didn’t want to speak with the same characters I had spoken to the day before.
As you fill out your list of dateables, you might find yourself struggling to find them all. I got stuck for a long time at 77 out of 100, and others will likely struggle too. Thankfully, your phone is equipped with the “Roomers” app which will share clues about other objects that you haven’t met yet. You’ll unlock new roomers simply by speaking with the other characters which is a fun way to get some help when you’re feeling stuck.
Date Everything! is the thirst trap game of the year and I love that. It is the epitome of bisexual panic and I think Sassy Chap Games knows exactly what they’ve done to me and the many other players that have been falling in love with these characters. It is very inclusive, with characters of all races, shapes, sizes and backgrounds. It made me truly excited to find them all. While there are always some nitpicky things I could complain about, none of what I mentioned made me want to stop playing the game. I just had to keep jumping back in and seeing what other things these characters had in store for me. If you’re looking for an incredibly enjoyable, highly entertaining and truly joyful experience, pick up Date Everything! and get started. I promise, you’ll never be more attracted to your toilet than you will be when you boot this one up.
Breakdown
Game: Date Everything!
Developer: Sassy Chap Games
Publisher: Team17
Availability: PC, PlayStation 5, Xbox Series X/S, Nintendo Switch
Reviewed on PC
Final Thoughts
While I have some things I might change about Date Everything! there’s also so many incredible things about it. It’s so much fun to meet everyone hiding in the house and getting to decide your favorites and least favorites. The sheer amount of content is impressive, though overwhelming at times. But, now that this review is out, I’m excited to go back to the game again and again and see what other secrets are waiting for me with the other characters. Sassy Chap Games have created something truly special and I cannot wait to see what they’ll make next.
Date Everything! launches tomorrow, June 17th, 2025. A special “Lavish Edition” of the game is available as well which includes two additional dateables as well as other additional content.